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Friday, September 4, 2009

No Conventional Medicine: The Decision

We had actually already decided not to pursue conventional medicine for treatment almost from the first. I struggled whether it was my will or God's will I was doing until I realized He was as concerned about my sufferings as I was. During one of my latenight prayer sessions I had two revelations. One was that Jesus didn't just say, "Be healed," but, "Be made WHOLE."! It resounded within me. The enemy of my soul was trying to steal my breast from me, as well as my life. God had given both to me, and He was on MY side! He wanted me to keep both. I no longer wondered if God told women to go have their breasts removed. He wanted them to be whole. He was there to help us keep them. I rested from my struggle. I knew I would keep my breast and my life. The other revelation that night was that it was our Father we were praying to when we were asking that His kingdom come and His will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Our Father! My Father! And He had said He wanted me to know Him as my Father. I knew that I could pray with confidence knowing it was my Father's will that I be made whole. The only way for me to be whole was if I did not pursue conventional medicine. A mastectomy was pretty much guaranteed for me, and out of the question in my view of things.
Another thing God showed me about healing was that it would be done to me according to my faith. We are healed according to our faith. When the angels tried to deliver Lot from Sodom and Gomorrah they wanted him to flee to the mountains (go to the high places with God). Lot begged to go to a small city instead (Zoar means small, maybe small in faith?). Something familiar and safe, like doctors are to us. That is where his faith was. God showed me that He is so merciful He will use doctors to heal. There is no condemnation if that is where your faith is. But what He really wants is for us to go to the moutaintops with Him. He wants us to come to Him for our healing. I was convinced and haven't looked back.
What the rest of my test results did was to kick any crutch that was left out from under me. I knew conventional medicine definitely couldn't help me now. It was final. It already had been, but the finality of it hit me then. No looking back.

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