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Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Intimate Issues

Very soon after my diagnosis I received the same prophesy from different sources. Basically the gist of the message was that I knew Jesus as my Savior, as my Lord, and as my Husband (the woman who said this had no idea I had been divorced and widowed and how I had clung to Him as Husband when my own husbands weren't doing the job!). But now He wanted me to know Him as my Father. I was told to just climb up into His lap, lay my head on His chest, and rest in Him. God gave me a picture of me as a little girl. I was so happy, twirling in a field of white daisies and picking them with little pudgy-girl hands, then giving them to Him with total delight. I hadn't felt that kind of joy in my relationship with Him for, well, maybe ever. I have always been so serious about SERVING God, like He was some faraway ruler who only notices us if we're doing something for Him. Don't get me wrong, I had known Him in suffering, He was always there for me then. But my life had become about suffering. That was all I knew. And, if you knew the details of my life, you'd know a lot of it definitely was suffering. I began to identify and fellowship around the suffering Christ to the total exclusion of the RISEN Christ! Therefore I had little joy.
He began to show me that He wanted me on the other side of the cross. The side where Jesus lives in resurrection power and we do, too. He showed me that Christ is in me and that He took the penalty for sin so I didn't need to suffer to be more like Him. I am like Him if I am identifying with Him and walking by His Spirit. This went hand in hand with my healing. Can He use suffering to make us like Him? For sure! He's just that great. Does He send cancer to make us suffer to be more like Him? NO! Cancer is definitely of the devil!
Luke 11:11-13 "If a son shall ask bread from any of you that is a father, would he give Him a stone? or if he asked a fish give him a serpent? or if he asked an egg would give him a scorpion? If ye being evil know how to give good gifts unto your children: how much more shall your heavenly FATHER give the Holy Spirit to them that ask Him?"
There was the title of His new identity in my life: FATHER.
Suddenly I knew He wanted to give me the kingdom as my Father. As my Father, He wants to give me my inheritance!
On Daddy's lap I have learned a whole new rest. I am resting from trying to receive healing by earning it, by striving for it, by figuring it out myself. It is all done and all I have to do is sit in His lap and rest, trusting Him for the manifestation in His perfect timing.
I have also been given liberty to be me in a whole new way. I have never expressed anger to God before. Only acquiescence to His will and acceptance. After all, I was too spiritual, I wouldn't get mad...well, there's alot of things I get mad about now. As a child, I can get mad about things I don't understand, knowing that my Father understands all and will sort out the emotions I am feeling for me. It is a healthy place to be with Him. And it is a place of peace not dependent on my behavior.
While at Redding I had a major meltdown. I swore! If you knew me, you'd know I don't swear! The pressure of 'getting healed' was getting to me. I had been to the healing rooms by then and no manifestation of healing yet. I began to be alittle worried about how my children would react. If I wasn't healed that weekend we needed to make some serious decisions. At least we thought we did. Do I go in for treatment? Do we move or stay in Texas? Do we go back to Ukraine? What was God saying? I felt terrible and spent after my explosion to Him. But He just ignored it and left behind a blessing of favor. That night was when Heidi Baker preached about favor and I received two words about being favored of the Lord. He knew me and sorted it out for me. I am so safe with Him!
I want everyone to be able to enter into His rest with me. It is so delightful to be known by Him! Do you realize that is where our true source is? If we have that, true intimacy with the Father, we are in need of nothing else! That is the cake and icing of life! Anything else is just bonus! All our problems are solved. Cancer is so little in comparison. I don't need less cancer, I need more Jesus! How can cancer stand in His glory?
Please, won't you join me and enter into His rest?

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