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Thursday, December 31, 2009

New Year's Hope

As 2009 draws to a quiet close for me, I find myself wondering what 2010 will bring. I hoped to go into the New Year cancer free. That hope has not materialized. So, cancer will cross the imaginary line into the New Year with me.
I remember the Lord telling me 2009 would be a difficult year for me, but that He would be with me. He has been and I know He will continue to be with me into the unknown of 2010.
My heart's desire for the coming year is to see the enemy robbed of the weapon of cancer. I want to see him disarmed and cancer rendered harmless. I do not believe the Lord ever intended for us to be robbed of so much in the body of Christ by cancer. He doesn't want women loosing their breasts or men loosing their prostates or anyone loosing their lives to it. Cancer is confusion and it is not authored by God. It is an alternate information coming into cells and creating chaos.
I seek authority and dominion over cancer this year. Please join with me to see cancer defeated in the spiritual as well as physical realms. We need to fight for what the Lord has already provided for us. Happy New Year to all.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Not So Good News

My blood test results came back from the nutritionist and they were not so good. I lost a lot of ground. My liver was bottomed out on the scale, and all of my organ functions, including my immune system, had fallen at least by half. I expected that they would not be quite as good because of the stress of moving out of state, but I have to admit I was surprised at how much ground I lost. Now that I am settled and able to rest, I do expect to get all that I lost back. I am hoping that I will recover quickly. He said the cancer seems about the same, neither gaining ground nor retreating, although I have experienced an increase in pain at the tumor sites.
The nutritionist put me on a mild cleanse and will recheck my blood in two weeks. I am taking this time to refocus my energy on getting well, taking care of myself FIRST. It is hard to be around my grandchildren and not offer to take care of them. There is no shopping for Christmas, mostly because we don't have the money (alternative cancer therapies don't pay for themselves) and partly because I can't afford to spend the energy going out shopping.
I am very grateful to be near most of my family now. My children are here, one of my sisters, and my parents. Another sister will visit for Christmas.
As I contemplate the Christmas Season and the New Year, I am filled with gratitude. For the most part I feel great. I have my family here. We have food, a roof over our heads, and the Lord has provided the funds for my supplements every month.
Life is a gift. God is good. May you find the true peace of this Christmas Season in the One who provided it. Merry Christmas and Peace on Earth, Goodwill toward Men!

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Good News

I went in to the doctor for a three month diabetes, high blood pressure, and thyroid check today (I have an auto-immune thyroid disorder). My A1c, which tells the average blood glucose level for the last three months was 5.1. That is excellent. She reduced my diabetes medication by half and is having me monitor my blood sugar frequently so that I don't get too low. No matter how hard I tried to watch my diet, I could never get my blood sugars into the normal range until I did the cleansing fast and raw food diet. More results tomorrow.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Four Month Mark

It has been four months since I was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer, seven months since I found the tumors. I am feeling great. My blood sugars are all in the normal range. That is a miracle. I am hoping to go off my diabetes medications as my body heals. I will know more after I get blood tests done. I have lost 37lbs on my raw foods diet and my heart rate has dropped from the 90s to 66bpm. Much healthier overall.
Tumor growth is very slow. I don't notice much of it but do have some pain in my breast and lymph tumors. I use Frankincense oil from Young Living Essential Oils to manage pain. My tumors were already very big (over 6cm and 3cm on the two biggest ones) when I was diagnosed.
Now that I feel things are under control, I would like to focus on seeing things reversed. I am doing enough to get my health back, but feel I have some work to do to see real progress made against the cancer. There are things I know I can improve on. I send in another blood sample today which will tell me alot about my progress and will help me know what adjustments to make.
Overall, all is well and God is good. I am feeling very grateful that I don't have to suffer the side effects of chemo, I still have my breast and lymph nodes, and the only discomfort I have is choking down some disagreeable tasting supplements like cod liver oil and Barley Life! We are preparing to move to be near my children and grand-children for the holidays. What fun!

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

The Will to Live

As usual, I am reading about 'the enemy' cancer. Today I was reading a book called Breast Cancer, Beyond Convention by numerous conventional and alternative doctors offering hope outside of the boundaries of the Big 3 in addressing breast cancer. It has some very interesting chapters about prayer, meditation, diet, etc. But one that caught my attention was on the will to live. I have often questioned whether I have a strong enough will to live because I just would not ever go through some of the things women do to treat their breast cancer. I ask myself, 'What's wrong with me? Why don't I go running to the doctors and beg them to save me?'
I do think part of it is that I just know that there are worse things than death. I have been through some things that in my estimation were worse. I also know that the system could not save me. Only Christ can. I knew from the moment of diagnosis He was my only source. But there wasn't the panic I see in people as they rush to look for answers to try to save their lives. I had no fear, only the peace of knowing Christ is in control. I didn't even cry, and haven't cried about having cancer, although I did cry about the thought of leaving my family in death, if that were to happen.
The doctor who wrote this chapter said the will to live was beyond us, a 'universal law' that is ingrained in our very fabric. We cannot loose it, but we can become detatched or seperated from it. In other words, when life is threatened, it will still do what it needs to survive. I took comfort in what she said, because it is true. God created us with the will to conqueor death and the enemy. He bread it into us. We may get weary, but I do believe when push comes to shove, we do what we can to cling to life.
She told several stories of clients who fought terminal diseases. She said one of the things that helped those who struggled connecting with the will to live was having someone close to them whom they could glean positive 'life force' (for lack of a better term) from. I began to think about my husband and his steady faithfulness, day in and day out to take care of me. Suddenly I realized my question about myself was wrong. It was not 'Do I have the will to live?' but 'Am I important enough to continue living?'
I remembered how I asked that question when my uncle committed suicide. 'Isn't our relationship (or in my 14 year old mind, aren't I) important enough to live for?' Then again, as my first husband replaced me with another woman, 'Am I important enough to stay faithful for?' and then again, when my second husband was self-destructing. 'Am I important enough to straighten up for?' I realized that I might be asking God that same question, 'Am I important enough to heal?'. But as I was having that realization, I also realized He was already answering my question and had been for many years... one of the ways was through my husband Eric's persistent, faithful love for me. All the things that happen in life can cause us to ask questions about the validity of our being here, but in the end it is God who has the final say as to whether we are important enough to live. He said we were important enough to send His Son to die for so we could live. That is the answer to the question. But, sometimes in life He sends special messages of His love, through people. Eric is one of those messages to me. He is a message every day of God's faithfulness and tender-loving kindness. He cares for me (a fulltime job right now!) and never complains. My favorite moments are with him, and if he wasn't there to share something with it would be bland to me. When I need alittle extra 'live force' I can just cozy up next to him! I am a blessed woman! I am important enough. Yes, I want to live.