Being Lead Through Darkness

Though I don't always feel His Presence, God has ways of showing me He is indeed with me and is leading me. I have been doing quite a bit of research on cancer and find some of the ways He has lead me through that. The other day I was reading Anti Cancer by David Servan-Schreiber, MD, PhD. On page 46 I came across some important information about tumor growth. I will quote him:
"3. The new tumor cells that spread to the rest of the body-metastases-are dangerous only when they are able, in turn, to attract new blood vessels.; 4. Large primary tumors send out metastases. But, as in any colonial empire, they prevent these distant territories from becoming too important by producing another chemical substance that blocks the growth of new blood vessels-angiostatin. (This explains why metastases sometimes suddenly grow once the principal tumor has been surgically removed.)" italics mine.
I was so excited to read this! You see, I didn't know why I was SO against the removal of the primary tumor in my breast, other than I wasn't going to let anyone take my breast from me. But my protection of myself from surgery was deeper than that. I felt a deep-seated sense of stubborn defiance of ANYONE coming near that breast! It was something that was beyond me that I could not understand myself or explain to others. Reading that having my primary tumor removed would also remove protection against the metastases growing made me want to leap up and praise God for His protection. It clicked! I understood why I felt the way I did! And I thought I was just being stubborn! But there was something so much deeper and I just didn't realize it was God's leading. You see, I know because of how aggressive my cancer is that it had metastasized before I even discovered it six months ago. I didn't know how to keep those metastases from growing but He did. And He lead me in darkness...in ways I have not known. Praise Him!
It made me realize the importance of treating cancer 'wholistically' not just tumor by tumor in an isolated fashion. It also makes me ask the question: If they know this, why do they take out the primary tumor in the first place? Isn't that just asking for trouble? I'll leave you to think about that.

Cancer: It's About Me

I have ups...and then, like all human beings, I have downs. This cancer thing can be tricky to deal with. I am thankful that I have not had to deal with fear at all. From the time of my first ultrasound to this moment, fear has been absent. Even at the diagnosis, there was no emotional trauma, just peace. I know who my Redeemer is, and I am at peace with Him. He is my very present help in trouble, so what would I fear? Nothing.
My downs come in feeling like I am not hearing God's voice of guidance at times, and also of aloneness. Not loneliness, but aloneness. You see, I don't have all the signs of cancer on me. I am not nauseous and throwing up from chemo, not recovering from surgery, my hair is still on my head, I have lost weight but look very healthy, I don't have outward signs of illness. But I am fighting what doctors would say is an incurable stage of the disease cancer. Because of the lack of outward signs people seem to think I'm OK and can do everything I used to do. My immediate family knows that I can't, but others look perplexed when I can't do something they have asked of me. I feel misunderstood and forgotten sometimes.
Then, I don't know anyone else who is fighting this nutritionally as I am, who is as advanced as I am. I know one wonderful woman who is almost cancer free but her cancer was not nearly as advanced as mine is. The only person I have been able to find is Dr. Lorraine Day, whose teachings I have gobbled up. Her cancer was at the same stage when she started her journey as was my cancer when I found it and she has been cancer free for at least 12 years now. www.drday.com
Cancer forces an inward look at what makes me, ME. It makes me re-evaluate all I know and believe. The longer I journey without an outward manifestation of healing, the more I am forced to find out what makes ME tick. I was a full-time mom to eight children (step-mom to three more), am married to my third husband, and have always served others to the best of my ability. In all my busyness to care for others 'I' somehow got lost in the shuffle. Now I am forced to put ME first. It is disconcerting to have to purposefully think about how something is going to affect me before I think about the impact on others. The attention cancer brings in prayer meetings and conferences is difficult for me to handle. I like to be in the shadows and cancer yells for attention and thrusts me into the limelight. But it is a lonely limelight. Even the few who are thrust there with me don't want to be in the cancer 'club', so there is little comradere.
I have been told by my nutritionist that I have to get stress under control (my cortisol levels are high) but I don't feel stressed. Then comes more introspection. It seems a slippery slope into self-absorption so I pull out of it and just don't try to figure it out.
In all of this, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord the Maker of Heaven and Earth. He has told me to rest in Him. The peace which passes all understanding is then mine and I cease from all my labors. I DON'T have to figure it all out. He will tell me all I need to know. With that assurance, I rest.

Books/DVDs I've Researched on Cancer and/or Nutrition

DVDs: (*indicates those I recommend)
*Double Blind: What Science Can't See-Dr. Lorraine Day
*Stress Success-Dr. Lorraine Day
*You Can't Improve on God-Dr. Lorraine Day
*Diseases Don't Just Happen-Dr. Lorraine Day
*Sorting Through the Maze of Alternative Medicine-Dr. Lorraine Day
*Cancer Doesn't Scare Me Anymore-Dr. Lorraine Day
*More on Cancer-Dr. Lorraine Day
Books:
1. *Beating Cancer With Nutrition-Patrick Quillin
2. *Breast Cancer? Breast Health!-Susun Weed
3. The Oil-Protein Diet-Dr. Johanna Budwig
4. The Cure for All Cancers-Dr. Hulda Clark
5. *A Cancer Battle Plan-Anne Frahm
6. *A Cancer Battle Plan Sourcebook-Dave Frahm
7. Dr. Susan Love's Breast Book-Dr. Susan Love
8. Insights Into Cancer-Dr. Henry Wright
9. The Hallelujah Diet-George Malkmus
10. *Recipes for Live-Rhonda Malkmus
11. Overcoming the Threat of Death-Arie Brouwer
12 .Guide Lines and God Lines for Facing Cancer-Marvel Patton
13. By the Grace of God and Good Nutrition-Fran Connor
14. The Cross and the Scapel-Gwen Wilkerson
15. *Your Body's Many Cries for Water-Dr. F. Balmanghelidj
16. *Getting Started on Getting Well, a workbook-Dr. Lorraine Day
17. *The RAVE Diet and Lifestyle-Mike Anderson
18. *Beating Cancer From the Inside Out-Mike Anderson
19. ***Cancer: Step Outside the Box-Ty M. Bollinger (A 'must have' book!)
20 .*Why Suffer-Ann Wigmore (not necessarily the book, but her work with wheatgrass juice)
21. *The Breast Stays Put, Put Your Scalpel Back in Your Pocket and Nobody Gets Hurt!- Pamela Hoeppner
22. A Story of Grace, Holistic Healing After a Diagnosis of Breast Cancer-Nancy Anne Battilega
23.*Winning the Battle Against Cancer, They said I was going to die...but I didn't-Elaine Hulliberger
24.***Anti Cancer-David Servan-Schreiber, MD, PhD (this book helped me greatly, though he does tout the benefits of Eastern meditation...just meditate on the Lord!)
25.**Healing Oils of the Bible-David Stewart, PhD
26.***The Complete Natural Medicine Guide to Breast Cancer-Sat Dharam Kaur, Nat. Doctor (a must have reference for preventing/healing breast cancer)
27. *The Macrobiotic Cancer Prevention Cookbook-Aveline Kushi with Wendy Esko
28. ***Cancer Salves, A Botanical Approach to Treatment-Ingrid Naiman
29.*How to Pray for Healing-Che Ahn
30.*A Divine Revelation of Healing-Mary K. Baxter
31.***From the Inside/Out-Dr. Henry W. Wright
32.*Cure or Cover Up-Dr. Henry W. Wright
33.**Healed of Cancer-Dodie Osteen
34.**The Divine Code of Life=Kazuo Murakami, Ph.D
35.*Cancer Medicine From Nature-Roger Bloom