Most of my family suprised me with a little impromptu party yesterday for my birthday. I enjoyed visiting. I cheated on my diet and had some of my mom's cooking and birthday cake. It was very difficult to sit downstairs comfortably and I really pushed my endurance.
The tumors hanging from the primary tumor on my breast are growing quickly and are constantly leaking sticky yellow fluid. It is pretty disgusting, really. I am in alot of pain even with pain meds we have been scrounging here and there.
Today (my birthday) I talked to my nutritionist. He thinks we need to do something to reduce the tumor load. That translates into surgery. There are drawing salves to use but they are painful and take weeks to work. He favors surgery. He asked us to pray about it and get back to him.
I am devistated. I know something has to happen right away. I am on the verge of asking my husband to take me to the hospital for surgery and pain relief more and more often. I am suffering through each day as it gets harder and harder to hang on. The only thing between me and some freedom from pain and imprisonment is my breast. It's so heavy.
I don't understand. It would have been alot easier to undergo surgery months ago than it would be now. It won't save my life and won't get all the tumors, but it would reduce the tumor load my body has to handle and give me some life back. If I have to choose between my breast and interacting with my children and grandchildren and participating in life I choose participating in life. But my point is, I shouldn't have to make the choice. I shouldn't have to bargain with the devil, "I'll give you my breast if I can have alittle freedom for awhile to hold my grandchildren." It sounds ridiculous to me. God isn't taking my breast from me. But it has been over eight months since I was diagnosed. If God was going to supernaturally do it wouldn't He have stepped in by now? I can't take one more day. I am so desperate for relief. Jesus help me.
Monday, April 12, 2010
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Things Happening
I recently developed more tumors. Two of them grew very quickly and are hanging off the breast tumor. Yesterday one started bleeding. I had an emotional reaction to the blood at first, but my husband and I immediately cried out to the Lord and the bleeding stopped. There is yellow fluid seeping from the tumor and I am wearing nursing pads against my ribs to catch the drainage.
I actually got excited because I am at a place of desperate need and feel the time is near for breakthrough! Prayer warriors are rallied around me and I can already taste freedom from these tumors. They are so big, cumbersome, and heavy, and draining so that I cannot go out in public very easily. I am a prisoner of sorts. Not much longer!! I sense victory!
We've had an influx of people calling to pray. A friend of a friend is calling a fast until 3:00pm tomorrow and then praying over the phone for me. We are asking all who want to join us to do so. I will report more as things unfold. I'm so excited and full of anticipation!
I actually got excited because I am at a place of desperate need and feel the time is near for breakthrough! Prayer warriors are rallied around me and I can already taste freedom from these tumors. They are so big, cumbersome, and heavy, and draining so that I cannot go out in public very easily. I am a prisoner of sorts. Not much longer!! I sense victory!
We've had an influx of people calling to pray. A friend of a friend is calling a fast until 3:00pm tomorrow and then praying over the phone for me. We are asking all who want to join us to do so. I will report more as things unfold. I'm so excited and full of anticipation!
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Finding My Purpose in Life
I FINALLY found it! I found my purpose in life! Can you guess what it is? I was made to worship the Lord Jesus Christ. Now, I have had a relationship with Him for 28 years. And all along if you asked me what my purpose was, that would have been my answer. But today I really understood that if that was all I did for the rest of my life (all alone in my confinement) it would be okay with God, and it would be okay with me. I always felt I needed to add something to that to please Him. But today I became so centered in Christ that to live is Him and ministering to Him alone. Everything else flows from that. But it now doesn't matter what that everything else is. I am completely content not knowing. He'll show me when it is time.
Oh, how wonderful being free of that thing in me that said I had to do something much bigger than I was doing right then (even if it was raising eight kids!). Nothing ever felt completely good enough. Even as I matured my head knew that, but my heart...that was another story. It came to a real head when my children finished moving out. I didn't know what I was here for and really had an identity crisis. I mean what else do you have time for when you're raising eight kids plus any strays that come your way? A lot of years of cooking and cleaning and wiping noses shapes a person.
I am rejoicing tonight. Holy Spirit really blessed me today and I feel breakthrough is coming. Praise the Lord!
Oh, how wonderful being free of that thing in me that said I had to do something much bigger than I was doing right then (even if it was raising eight kids!). Nothing ever felt completely good enough. Even as I matured my head knew that, but my heart...that was another story. It came to a real head when my children finished moving out. I didn't know what I was here for and really had an identity crisis. I mean what else do you have time for when you're raising eight kids plus any strays that come your way? A lot of years of cooking and cleaning and wiping noses shapes a person.
I am rejoicing tonight. Holy Spirit really blessed me today and I feel breakthrough is coming. Praise the Lord!
Monday, March 8, 2010
Seven Month Mark
It has been seven months since the diagnosis of breast cancer (almost 10 since finding the breast and lymph tumors). I have to admit the last five to six weeks have been difficult. I have been challenged with pain and a jump in tumor growth. Almost the same night I talked about the tumors softening and dying, they suddenly hardened and grew...and grew...and grew. Then recently another tumor began growing on the underside of the breast tumor. It hangs like a teardrop and is very painful. Everything is painful. My breast also leaks which makes it hard to go anywhere. I cannot wear a bra because the pressure is intolerable.
For the first time I looked into the mirror at my breast and had fear flood my soul. It looked like it would explode. I was afraid I would loose my breast. My husband prayed for me and the peace of God flooded my soul. Fear has not pestered me since that night. Previous to this incident four different people spoke 'shalom' to me from the Lord. After the mirror incident I looked the word up to find that it not only means peace, but completeness, having all the resources I need. The root word it was taken from means 'to be whole'! The Lord knew the attack that was coming and prepared me for it. He is so good.
I cannot listen to what pain, tumor growth, or my body is saying to me and call it reality. When Jesus went to heal the official's daughter, messengers came with the news that she had died. In the natural she had. But Jesus told the man not to fear, only believe. When He arrived at the man's house He told the mourners that the girl was sleeping knowing very well she was dead. Did He lie to them? Of course not. He lives in a higher reality...one in line with the very essence of heaven. He took "Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven" very literally. He challenges me to do the same. My thoughts are to be that my healing is already accomplished, as it has been in heaven.
Emotionally I go back and forth between sobbing uncontrollably, to laughing hysterically (especially at Everybody Loves Raymond). My emotions are all over, but they do not dictate my reality either. I have deep peace. It is a peace that cannot be moved by my emotions. Illness can weaken our constitutions and make us feel out of control, but are we really? I am pouring my heart out to my Father. Whether happy or sad, He hears and comforts and I am safe in His arms.
I believe I am healed because Jesus paid for it 2000 years ago. I still believe He will make me whole. Nothing in the natural can change that. I hesitate telling you that my condition has worsened. I am a very private person and feel vulnerable. I really don't want to hear well meaning people tell me I should go to the doctor if I haven't been healed by now. Unless, of course, it is a word from the Lord. I am standing on the fact that Jesus is the only One Who can make me whole. Doctors would take my breast and my immune system (with chemo) and I am not willing to surrender them up. To me that would be utter defeat. The passion that burns in my heart is that no one should have to surrender body parts that God gave them to anyone to save their lives when Jesus gives wholeness freely. He does not require a sacrifice for your life or mine. He paid it already! I get so angry at the thought of poor Christians being dupped by the devil into giving up what God gave them and never intended for them to loose. I would rather die in faith than stop short of the prize now. I will see victory and then I will help others see victory in the mighty Name of Jesus!
(BTW, I do not think we are 'healed' when we go to heaven. We do not need healing in heaven. Our spirits will go to join the Lord until the ressurrection of our bodies...which when we die, go into the ground with the same cancer or disease we died prematurely of. We comfort ourselves with the thought that the person who died is now healed. But the sad reality is that we lost the battle! He has given us EVERYTHING we need to win. But there are always casualties in a war. Let's not make excuses for them and bring our theology down to our experience. Let's rise to fight for and pursue "Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven" God's will is life. It is the devil that has come to rob, kill, and destroy. Let's 'lift our eyes' alittle higher!) Thank you, S.J. Hill, for challenging me on this!
My reality is:
It has been prophesied recently that it is time for healing to be manifest.
The Lord has spoken shalom over me
Scripture declares in many places I am healed by His stripes
The peace of God is ours
According to my faith it will be done unto me
Prayer warriors all over the world are interceeding for me (Bless them!)
As a side note my last blood tests were improved from the ones before. It's great that the numbers are climbing and I was rejoicing until I talked to my nutritionist and he told me that my numbers are about half of what they should be. Talking about deflating your bubble! He seemed more concerned about where I am at this time. It was alittle sobering. He mentioned needing me to be a warrior...
I want to thank all of you who are praying for me. I cannot tell you what that means to me. I will try to update more often. Pain kinda robs my motivation for anything.
Blessings to you all!
For the first time I looked into the mirror at my breast and had fear flood my soul. It looked like it would explode. I was afraid I would loose my breast. My husband prayed for me and the peace of God flooded my soul. Fear has not pestered me since that night. Previous to this incident four different people spoke 'shalom' to me from the Lord. After the mirror incident I looked the word up to find that it not only means peace, but completeness, having all the resources I need. The root word it was taken from means 'to be whole'! The Lord knew the attack that was coming and prepared me for it. He is so good.
I cannot listen to what pain, tumor growth, or my body is saying to me and call it reality. When Jesus went to heal the official's daughter, messengers came with the news that she had died. In the natural she had. But Jesus told the man not to fear, only believe. When He arrived at the man's house He told the mourners that the girl was sleeping knowing very well she was dead. Did He lie to them? Of course not. He lives in a higher reality...one in line with the very essence of heaven. He took "Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven" very literally. He challenges me to do the same. My thoughts are to be that my healing is already accomplished, as it has been in heaven.
Emotionally I go back and forth between sobbing uncontrollably, to laughing hysterically (especially at Everybody Loves Raymond). My emotions are all over, but they do not dictate my reality either. I have deep peace. It is a peace that cannot be moved by my emotions. Illness can weaken our constitutions and make us feel out of control, but are we really? I am pouring my heart out to my Father. Whether happy or sad, He hears and comforts and I am safe in His arms.
I believe I am healed because Jesus paid for it 2000 years ago. I still believe He will make me whole. Nothing in the natural can change that. I hesitate telling you that my condition has worsened. I am a very private person and feel vulnerable. I really don't want to hear well meaning people tell me I should go to the doctor if I haven't been healed by now. Unless, of course, it is a word from the Lord. I am standing on the fact that Jesus is the only One Who can make me whole. Doctors would take my breast and my immune system (with chemo) and I am not willing to surrender them up. To me that would be utter defeat. The passion that burns in my heart is that no one should have to surrender body parts that God gave them to anyone to save their lives when Jesus gives wholeness freely. He does not require a sacrifice for your life or mine. He paid it already! I get so angry at the thought of poor Christians being dupped by the devil into giving up what God gave them and never intended for them to loose. I would rather die in faith than stop short of the prize now. I will see victory and then I will help others see victory in the mighty Name of Jesus!
(BTW, I do not think we are 'healed' when we go to heaven. We do not need healing in heaven. Our spirits will go to join the Lord until the ressurrection of our bodies...which when we die, go into the ground with the same cancer or disease we died prematurely of. We comfort ourselves with the thought that the person who died is now healed. But the sad reality is that we lost the battle! He has given us EVERYTHING we need to win. But there are always casualties in a war. Let's not make excuses for them and bring our theology down to our experience. Let's rise to fight for and pursue "Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven" God's will is life. It is the devil that has come to rob, kill, and destroy. Let's 'lift our eyes' alittle higher!) Thank you, S.J. Hill, for challenging me on this!
My reality is:
It has been prophesied recently that it is time for healing to be manifest.
The Lord has spoken shalom over me
Scripture declares in many places I am healed by His stripes
The peace of God is ours
According to my faith it will be done unto me
Prayer warriors all over the world are interceeding for me (Bless them!)
As a side note my last blood tests were improved from the ones before. It's great that the numbers are climbing and I was rejoicing until I talked to my nutritionist and he told me that my numbers are about half of what they should be. Talking about deflating your bubble! He seemed more concerned about where I am at this time. It was alittle sobering. He mentioned needing me to be a warrior...
I want to thank all of you who are praying for me. I cannot tell you what that means to me. I will try to update more often. Pain kinda robs my motivation for anything.
Blessings to you all!
Thursday, January 21, 2010
The Fear Factor
The word cancer tends to elicit a fear response in most people. No one wants to be diagnosed with cancer. Cancer is seen to be tantamount to death. The words go together. It is because cancer is a device of our enemy, Satan, who is the author of confusion. His purpose is to steal, kill and destroy. Cancer happens when normal cells get confused about what role they are suppose to fulfill and become something they were never intended to be. They rebel...just like the author of confusion did.
Cancer does not scare me. It is not because cancer can't hurt me, if left to fulfill it's course, it most certainly can. In fact, it can kill me. But I am aware of a greater power. A power stronger than death. Jesus Christ beat death by rising from the grave Himself, and the Bible says,"If the same Spirit who raised Christ from the dead dwells in you, He will quicken your mortal body."
Even if cancer won by death, I am not afraid, because I can't really die. I am assured to live forever in God's presence.
But we Christians must understand that death is still the enemy. It cuts short the plans of God for a life. It is a battle won by the enemy because it snuffs out life. Jesus is life. He came to give life. We should never give up the battle for life or buy the 'Well, I guess it was just God's will' excuse for our failure to fight the battle. We are at war!
Pain is another word that brings fear. No one likes to suffer. I have been in some pain lately. Pain can be either good or bad. I do not try to interpret it. It can be healing or a symptom of something going wrong. I do not let pain lie to me. The Bible tells me I am healed. Jesus purchased healing on the cross with my salvation. Done deal.
The bottom line is: fear causes chemical reactions in our bodies that suppress our immune systems. It is a tool of the devil. If he can get our eyes off God and on to the thing we fear (cancer or pain), he has won. The Lord wrapped me in a protective cloak before the diagnosis of cancer. It is not in my own strength that I am not fearful, it is because of His Divine help. I cannot take credit. The same strenght and peace He has given me He will give to you. He is no respector of persons. Don't let the enemy get your eyes off the One Who is life.
Cancer does not scare me. It is not because cancer can't hurt me, if left to fulfill it's course, it most certainly can. In fact, it can kill me. But I am aware of a greater power. A power stronger than death. Jesus Christ beat death by rising from the grave Himself, and the Bible says,"If the same Spirit who raised Christ from the dead dwells in you, He will quicken your mortal body."
Even if cancer won by death, I am not afraid, because I can't really die. I am assured to live forever in God's presence.
But we Christians must understand that death is still the enemy. It cuts short the plans of God for a life. It is a battle won by the enemy because it snuffs out life. Jesus is life. He came to give life. We should never give up the battle for life or buy the 'Well, I guess it was just God's will' excuse for our failure to fight the battle. We are at war!
Pain is another word that brings fear. No one likes to suffer. I have been in some pain lately. Pain can be either good or bad. I do not try to interpret it. It can be healing or a symptom of something going wrong. I do not let pain lie to me. The Bible tells me I am healed. Jesus purchased healing on the cross with my salvation. Done deal.
The bottom line is: fear causes chemical reactions in our bodies that suppress our immune systems. It is a tool of the devil. If he can get our eyes off God and on to the thing we fear (cancer or pain), he has won. The Lord wrapped me in a protective cloak before the diagnosis of cancer. It is not in my own strength that I am not fearful, it is because of His Divine help. I cannot take credit. The same strenght and peace He has given me He will give to you. He is no respector of persons. Don't let the enemy get your eyes off the One Who is life.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Praise the Lord (ahead of time) for the Battle is Won!
I'm sorry it has taken me a few days to get this news to you. I received my blood test results Friday night and they were terrific! All of my immune functions have tripled my best results! Praise God!
But I knew the battle was won when I woke up last Tuesday. I felt it in my spirit. The Lord impressed me to just start praising Him for the finished work. This was after a long season of resting in Him. I literally felt like I was sleeping on my Father's lap...then I woke up and realized the heavens are open and it is time to praise Him once again. This battle started with praise and it will end with praise. I know that I know that the victory is secure. How could this be when I haven't fought for it?
Well, He did it, through His body. Many, many people have been praying for me as I have been sleeping...they have secured the victory that Christ already provided for me. I have rested and believed, but I know the body of Christ has fought for me, just like my immune system fights the cancer. It wasn't my battle, it was the Lord's.
The other exciting development is that the nutritionist and I believe the primary tumor is dead. About four weeks ago it suddenly became very heavy. I felt like I was carrying a bowling ball on my chest (this thing has a 17inch circumference, so it's BIG). I didn't understand the significance of that until I read an excellent book on cancer salves. It said tumors get very heavy when they die and you can have liver and digestive disturbances. That's what I have been experiencing. My liver results did improve but are still low. The tumor then began to soften and become moldable, like clay. This is weird! I wake up in the morning and my breast has taken the shape of whatever was placing pressure on it as I slept. It slowly regains it's own shape during the day.
I am excited and looking forward to the next step: seeing these tumors shrink and dissappear!
Please continue to pray for my liver and digestive systems, tumor shrinkage, weakness caused by the tumor load on my system, etc. The battle belongs to the Lord!
But I knew the battle was won when I woke up last Tuesday. I felt it in my spirit. The Lord impressed me to just start praising Him for the finished work. This was after a long season of resting in Him. I literally felt like I was sleeping on my Father's lap...then I woke up and realized the heavens are open and it is time to praise Him once again. This battle started with praise and it will end with praise. I know that I know that the victory is secure. How could this be when I haven't fought for it?
Well, He did it, through His body. Many, many people have been praying for me as I have been sleeping...they have secured the victory that Christ already provided for me. I have rested and believed, but I know the body of Christ has fought for me, just like my immune system fights the cancer. It wasn't my battle, it was the Lord's.
The other exciting development is that the nutritionist and I believe the primary tumor is dead. About four weeks ago it suddenly became very heavy. I felt like I was carrying a bowling ball on my chest (this thing has a 17inch circumference, so it's BIG). I didn't understand the significance of that until I read an excellent book on cancer salves. It said tumors get very heavy when they die and you can have liver and digestive disturbances. That's what I have been experiencing. My liver results did improve but are still low. The tumor then began to soften and become moldable, like clay. This is weird! I wake up in the morning and my breast has taken the shape of whatever was placing pressure on it as I slept. It slowly regains it's own shape during the day.
I am excited and looking forward to the next step: seeing these tumors shrink and dissappear!
Please continue to pray for my liver and digestive systems, tumor shrinkage, weakness caused by the tumor load on my system, etc. The battle belongs to the Lord!
Monday, January 4, 2010
Five Months
It's been five months since being diagnosed, almost eight months since finding the tumors. I have had challenges lately with feeling weak. I know it is because I am anemic and am probably not getting enough protein. When I remember to eat bee pollen which is high in protein, I feel better. I am also taking molasses for the anemia.
The primary tumor got suddenly very heavy about three weeks ago. It was extremely noticable. I find it very difficult to wear a bra, even the very large sports bras I have been wearing. I read afew days ago that when tumors die they become heavy. Wouldn't that be something? I am wondering if that is why my liver seems to be overwhelmed. The same book said the tumor dying would cause gastric and liver problems as my body rids itself of the tumor. I'd like to believe that is what is going on. I will be sending my blood work in tomorrow morning to find out more. Until then...
The primary tumor got suddenly very heavy about three weeks ago. It was extremely noticable. I find it very difficult to wear a bra, even the very large sports bras I have been wearing. I read afew days ago that when tumors die they become heavy. Wouldn't that be something? I am wondering if that is why my liver seems to be overwhelmed. The same book said the tumor dying would cause gastric and liver problems as my body rids itself of the tumor. I'd like to believe that is what is going on. I will be sending my blood work in tomorrow morning to find out more. Until then...
Thursday, December 31, 2009
New Year's Hope
As 2009 draws to a quiet close for me, I find myself wondering what 2010 will bring. I hoped to go into the New Year cancer free. That hope has not materialized. So, cancer will cross the imaginary line into the New Year with me.
I remember the Lord telling me 2009 would be a difficult year for me, but that He would be with me. He has been and I know He will continue to be with me into the unknown of 2010.
My heart's desire for the coming year is to see the enemy robbed of the weapon of cancer. I want to see him disarmed and cancer rendered harmless. I do not believe the Lord ever intended for us to be robbed of so much in the body of Christ by cancer. He doesn't want women loosing their breasts or men loosing their prostates or anyone loosing their lives to it. Cancer is confusion and it is not authored by God. It is an alternate information coming into cells and creating chaos.
I seek authority and dominion over cancer this year. Please join with me to see cancer defeated in the spiritual as well as physical realms. We need to fight for what the Lord has already provided for us. Happy New Year to all.
I remember the Lord telling me 2009 would be a difficult year for me, but that He would be with me. He has been and I know He will continue to be with me into the unknown of 2010.
My heart's desire for the coming year is to see the enemy robbed of the weapon of cancer. I want to see him disarmed and cancer rendered harmless. I do not believe the Lord ever intended for us to be robbed of so much in the body of Christ by cancer. He doesn't want women loosing their breasts or men loosing their prostates or anyone loosing their lives to it. Cancer is confusion and it is not authored by God. It is an alternate information coming into cells and creating chaos.
I seek authority and dominion over cancer this year. Please join with me to see cancer defeated in the spiritual as well as physical realms. We need to fight for what the Lord has already provided for us. Happy New Year to all.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Not So Good News
My blood test results came back from the nutritionist and they were not so good. I lost a lot of ground. My liver was bottomed out on the scale, and all of my organ functions, including my immune system, had fallen at least by half. I expected that they would not be quite as good because of the stress of moving out of state, but I have to admit I was surprised at how much ground I lost. Now that I am settled and able to rest, I do expect to get all that I lost back. I am hoping that I will recover quickly. He said the cancer seems about the same, neither gaining ground nor retreating, although I have experienced an increase in pain at the tumor sites.
The nutritionist put me on a mild cleanse and will recheck my blood in two weeks. I am taking this time to refocus my energy on getting well, taking care of myself FIRST. It is hard to be around my grandchildren and not offer to take care of them. There is no shopping for Christmas, mostly because we don't have the money (alternative cancer therapies don't pay for themselves) and partly because I can't afford to spend the energy going out shopping.
I am very grateful to be near most of my family now. My children are here, one of my sisters, and my parents. Another sister will visit for Christmas.
As I contemplate the Christmas Season and the New Year, I am filled with gratitude. For the most part I feel great. I have my family here. We have food, a roof over our heads, and the Lord has provided the funds for my supplements every month.
Life is a gift. God is good. May you find the true peace of this Christmas Season in the One who provided it. Merry Christmas and Peace on Earth, Goodwill toward Men!
The nutritionist put me on a mild cleanse and will recheck my blood in two weeks. I am taking this time to refocus my energy on getting well, taking care of myself FIRST. It is hard to be around my grandchildren and not offer to take care of them. There is no shopping for Christmas, mostly because we don't have the money (alternative cancer therapies don't pay for themselves) and partly because I can't afford to spend the energy going out shopping.
I am very grateful to be near most of my family now. My children are here, one of my sisters, and my parents. Another sister will visit for Christmas.
As I contemplate the Christmas Season and the New Year, I am filled with gratitude. For the most part I feel great. I have my family here. We have food, a roof over our heads, and the Lord has provided the funds for my supplements every month.
Life is a gift. God is good. May you find the true peace of this Christmas Season in the One who provided it. Merry Christmas and Peace on Earth, Goodwill toward Men!
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Good News
I went in to the doctor for a three month diabetes, high blood pressure, and thyroid check today (I have an auto-immune thyroid disorder). My A1c, which tells the average blood glucose level for the last three months was 5.1. That is excellent. She reduced my diabetes medication by half and is having me monitor my blood sugar frequently so that I don't get too low. No matter how hard I tried to watch my diet, I could never get my blood sugars into the normal range until I did the cleansing fast and raw food diet. More results tomorrow.
Monday, December 7, 2009
Four Month Mark
It has been four months since I was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer, seven months since I found the tumors. I am feeling great. My blood sugars are all in the normal range. That is a miracle. I am hoping to go off my diabetes medications as my body heals. I will know more after I get blood tests done. I have lost 37lbs on my raw foods diet and my heart rate has dropped from the 90s to 66bpm. Much healthier overall.
Tumor growth is very slow. I don't notice much of it but do have some pain in my breast and lymph tumors. I use Frankincense oil from Young Living Essential Oils to manage pain. My tumors were already very big (over 6cm and 3cm on the two biggest ones) when I was diagnosed.
Now that I feel things are under control, I would like to focus on seeing things reversed. I am doing enough to get my health back, but feel I have some work to do to see real progress made against the cancer. There are things I know I can improve on. I send in another blood sample today which will tell me alot about my progress and will help me know what adjustments to make.
Overall, all is well and God is good. I am feeling very grateful that I don't have to suffer the side effects of chemo, I still have my breast and lymph nodes, and the only discomfort I have is choking down some disagreeable tasting supplements like cod liver oil and Barley Life! We are preparing to move to be near my children and grand-children for the holidays. What fun!
Tumor growth is very slow. I don't notice much of it but do have some pain in my breast and lymph tumors. I use Frankincense oil from Young Living Essential Oils to manage pain. My tumors were already very big (over 6cm and 3cm on the two biggest ones) when I was diagnosed.
Now that I feel things are under control, I would like to focus on seeing things reversed. I am doing enough to get my health back, but feel I have some work to do to see real progress made against the cancer. There are things I know I can improve on. I send in another blood sample today which will tell me alot about my progress and will help me know what adjustments to make.
Overall, all is well and God is good. I am feeling very grateful that I don't have to suffer the side effects of chemo, I still have my breast and lymph nodes, and the only discomfort I have is choking down some disagreeable tasting supplements like cod liver oil and Barley Life! We are preparing to move to be near my children and grand-children for the holidays. What fun!
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
The Will to Live
As usual, I am reading about 'the enemy' cancer. Today I was reading a book called Breast Cancer, Beyond Convention by numerous conventional and alternative doctors offering hope outside of the boundaries of the Big 3 in addressing breast cancer. It has some very interesting chapters about prayer, meditation, diet, etc. But one that caught my attention was on the will to live. I have often questioned whether I have a strong enough will to live because I just would not ever go through some of the things women do to treat their breast cancer. I ask myself, 'What's wrong with me? Why don't I go running to the doctors and beg them to save me?'
I do think part of it is that I just know that there are worse things than death. I have been through some things that in my estimation were worse. I also know that the system could not save me. Only Christ can. I knew from the moment of diagnosis He was my only source. But there wasn't the panic I see in people as they rush to look for answers to try to save their lives. I had no fear, only the peace of knowing Christ is in control. I didn't even cry, and haven't cried about having cancer, although I did cry about the thought of leaving my family in death, if that were to happen.
The doctor who wrote this chapter said the will to live was beyond us, a 'universal law' that is ingrained in our very fabric. We cannot loose it, but we can become detatched or seperated from it. In other words, when life is threatened, it will still do what it needs to survive. I took comfort in what she said, because it is true. God created us with the will to conqueor death and the enemy. He bread it into us. We may get weary, but I do believe when push comes to shove, we do what we can to cling to life.
She told several stories of clients who fought terminal diseases. She said one of the things that helped those who struggled connecting with the will to live was having someone close to them whom they could glean positive 'life force' (for lack of a better term) from. I began to think about my husband and his steady faithfulness, day in and day out to take care of me. Suddenly I realized my question about myself was wrong. It was not 'Do I have the will to live?' but 'Am I important enough to continue living?'
I remembered how I asked that question when my uncle committed suicide. 'Isn't our relationship (or in my 14 year old mind, aren't I) important enough to live for?' Then again, as my first husband replaced me with another woman, 'Am I important enough to stay faithful for?' and then again, when my second husband was self-destructing. 'Am I important enough to straighten up for?' I realized that I might be asking God that same question, 'Am I important enough to heal?'. But as I was having that realization, I also realized He was already answering my question and had been for many years... one of the ways was through my husband Eric's persistent, faithful love for me. All the things that happen in life can cause us to ask questions about the validity of our being here, but in the end it is God who has the final say as to whether we are important enough to live. He said we were important enough to send His Son to die for so we could live. That is the answer to the question. But, sometimes in life He sends special messages of His love, through people. Eric is one of those messages to me. He is a message every day of God's faithfulness and tender-loving kindness. He cares for me (a fulltime job right now!) and never complains. My favorite moments are with him, and if he wasn't there to share something with it would be bland to me. When I need alittle extra 'live force' I can just cozy up next to him! I am a blessed woman! I am important enough. Yes, I want to live.
I do think part of it is that I just know that there are worse things than death. I have been through some things that in my estimation were worse. I also know that the system could not save me. Only Christ can. I knew from the moment of diagnosis He was my only source. But there wasn't the panic I see in people as they rush to look for answers to try to save their lives. I had no fear, only the peace of knowing Christ is in control. I didn't even cry, and haven't cried about having cancer, although I did cry about the thought of leaving my family in death, if that were to happen.
The doctor who wrote this chapter said the will to live was beyond us, a 'universal law' that is ingrained in our very fabric. We cannot loose it, but we can become detatched or seperated from it. In other words, when life is threatened, it will still do what it needs to survive. I took comfort in what she said, because it is true. God created us with the will to conqueor death and the enemy. He bread it into us. We may get weary, but I do believe when push comes to shove, we do what we can to cling to life.
She told several stories of clients who fought terminal diseases. She said one of the things that helped those who struggled connecting with the will to live was having someone close to them whom they could glean positive 'life force' (for lack of a better term) from. I began to think about my husband and his steady faithfulness, day in and day out to take care of me. Suddenly I realized my question about myself was wrong. It was not 'Do I have the will to live?' but 'Am I important enough to continue living?'
I remembered how I asked that question when my uncle committed suicide. 'Isn't our relationship (or in my 14 year old mind, aren't I) important enough to live for?' Then again, as my first husband replaced me with another woman, 'Am I important enough to stay faithful for?' and then again, when my second husband was self-destructing. 'Am I important enough to straighten up for?' I realized that I might be asking God that same question, 'Am I important enough to heal?'. But as I was having that realization, I also realized He was already answering my question and had been for many years... one of the ways was through my husband Eric's persistent, faithful love for me. All the things that happen in life can cause us to ask questions about the validity of our being here, but in the end it is God who has the final say as to whether we are important enough to live. He said we were important enough to send His Son to die for so we could live. That is the answer to the question. But, sometimes in life He sends special messages of His love, through people. Eric is one of those messages to me. He is a message every day of God's faithfulness and tender-loving kindness. He cares for me (a fulltime job right now!) and never complains. My favorite moments are with him, and if he wasn't there to share something with it would be bland to me. When I need alittle extra 'live force' I can just cozy up next to him! I am a blessed woman! I am important enough. Yes, I want to live.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Being Lead Through Darkness
Though I don't always feel His Presence, God has ways of showing me He is indeed with me and is leading me. I have been doing quite a bit of research on cancer and find some of the ways He has lead me through that. The other day I was reading Anti Cancer by David Servan-Schreiber, MD, PhD. On page 46 I came across some important information about tumor growth. I will quote him:
"3. The new tumor cells that spread to the rest of the body-metastases-are dangerous only when they are able, in turn, to attract new blood vessels.; 4. Large primary tumors send out metastases. But, as in any colonial empire, they prevent these distant territories from becoming too important by producing another chemical substance that blocks the growth of new blood vessels-angiostatin. (This explains why metastases sometimes suddenly grow once the principal tumor has been surgically removed.)" italics mine.
I was so excited to read this! You see, I didn't know why I was SO against the removal of the primary tumor in my breast, other than I wasn't going to let anyone take my breast from me. But my protection of myself from surgery was deeper than that. I felt a deep-seated sense of stubborn defiance of ANYONE coming near that breast! It was something that was beyond me that I could not understand myself or explain to others. Reading that having my primary tumor removed would also remove protection against the metastases growing made me want to leap up and praise God for His protection. It clicked! I understood why I felt the way I did! And I thought I was just being stubborn! But there was something so much deeper and I just didn't realize it was God's leading. You see, I know because of how aggressive my cancer is that it had metastasized before I even discovered it six months ago. I didn't know how to keep those metastases from growing but He did. And He lead me in darkness...in ways I have not known. Praise Him!
It made me realize the importance of treating cancer 'wholistically' not just tumor by tumor in an isolated fashion. It also makes me ask the question: If they know this, why do they take out the primary tumor in the first place? Isn't that just asking for trouble? I'll leave you to think about that.
"3. The new tumor cells that spread to the rest of the body-metastases-are dangerous only when they are able, in turn, to attract new blood vessels.; 4. Large primary tumors send out metastases. But, as in any colonial empire, they prevent these distant territories from becoming too important by producing another chemical substance that blocks the growth of new blood vessels-angiostatin. (This explains why metastases sometimes suddenly grow once the principal tumor has been surgically removed.)" italics mine.
I was so excited to read this! You see, I didn't know why I was SO against the removal of the primary tumor in my breast, other than I wasn't going to let anyone take my breast from me. But my protection of myself from surgery was deeper than that. I felt a deep-seated sense of stubborn defiance of ANYONE coming near that breast! It was something that was beyond me that I could not understand myself or explain to others. Reading that having my primary tumor removed would also remove protection against the metastases growing made me want to leap up and praise God for His protection. It clicked! I understood why I felt the way I did! And I thought I was just being stubborn! But there was something so much deeper and I just didn't realize it was God's leading. You see, I know because of how aggressive my cancer is that it had metastasized before I even discovered it six months ago. I didn't know how to keep those metastases from growing but He did. And He lead me in darkness...in ways I have not known. Praise Him!
It made me realize the importance of treating cancer 'wholistically' not just tumor by tumor in an isolated fashion. It also makes me ask the question: If they know this, why do they take out the primary tumor in the first place? Isn't that just asking for trouble? I'll leave you to think about that.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Cancer: It's About Me
I have ups...and then, like all human beings, I have downs. This cancer thing can be tricky to deal with. I am thankful that I have not had to deal with fear at all. From the time of my first ultrasound to this moment, fear has been absent. Even at the diagnosis, there was no emotional trauma, just peace. I know who my Redeemer is, and I am at peace with Him. He is my very present help in trouble, so what would I fear? Nothing.
My downs come in feeling like I am not hearing God's voice of guidance at times, and also of aloneness. Not loneliness, but aloneness. You see, I don't have all the signs of cancer on me. I am not nauseous and throwing up from chemo, not recovering from surgery, my hair is still on my head, I have lost weight but look very healthy, I don't have outward signs of illness. But I am fighting what doctors would say is an incurable stage of the disease cancer. Because of the lack of outward signs people seem to think I'm OK and can do everything I used to do. My immediate family knows that I can't, but others look perplexed when I can't do something they have asked of me. I feel misunderstood and forgotten sometimes.
Then, I don't know anyone else who is fighting this nutritionally as I am, who is as advanced as I am. I know one wonderful woman who is almost cancer free but her cancer was not nearly as advanced as mine is. The only person I have been able to find is Dr. Lorraine Day, whose teachings I have gobbled up. Her cancer was at the same stage when she started her journey as was my cancer when I found it and she has been cancer free for at least 12 years now. www.drday.com
Cancer forces an inward look at what makes me, ME. It makes me re-evaluate all I know and believe. The longer I journey without an outward manifestation of healing, the more I am forced to find out what makes ME tick. I was a full-time mom to eight children (step-mom to three more), am married to my third husband, and have always served others to the best of my ability. In all my busyness to care for others 'I' somehow got lost in the shuffle. Now I am forced to put ME first. It is disconcerting to have to purposefully think about how something is going to affect me before I think about the impact on others. The attention cancer brings in prayer meetings and conferences is difficult for me to handle. I like to be in the shadows and cancer yells for attention and thrusts me into the limelight. But it is a lonely limelight. Even the few who are thrust there with me don't want to be in the cancer 'club', so there is little comradere.
I have been told by my nutritionist that I have to get stress under control (my cortisol levels are high) but I don't feel stressed. Then comes more introspection. It seems a slippery slope into self-absorption so I pull out of it and just don't try to figure it out.
In all of this, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord the Maker of Heaven and Earth. He has told me to rest in Him. The peace which passes all understanding is then mine and I cease from all my labors. I DON'T have to figure it all out. He will tell me all I need to know. With that assurance, I rest.
My downs come in feeling like I am not hearing God's voice of guidance at times, and also of aloneness. Not loneliness, but aloneness. You see, I don't have all the signs of cancer on me. I am not nauseous and throwing up from chemo, not recovering from surgery, my hair is still on my head, I have lost weight but look very healthy, I don't have outward signs of illness. But I am fighting what doctors would say is an incurable stage of the disease cancer. Because of the lack of outward signs people seem to think I'm OK and can do everything I used to do. My immediate family knows that I can't, but others look perplexed when I can't do something they have asked of me. I feel misunderstood and forgotten sometimes.
Then, I don't know anyone else who is fighting this nutritionally as I am, who is as advanced as I am. I know one wonderful woman who is almost cancer free but her cancer was not nearly as advanced as mine is. The only person I have been able to find is Dr. Lorraine Day, whose teachings I have gobbled up. Her cancer was at the same stage when she started her journey as was my cancer when I found it and she has been cancer free for at least 12 years now. www.drday.com
Cancer forces an inward look at what makes me, ME. It makes me re-evaluate all I know and believe. The longer I journey without an outward manifestation of healing, the more I am forced to find out what makes ME tick. I was a full-time mom to eight children (step-mom to three more), am married to my third husband, and have always served others to the best of my ability. In all my busyness to care for others 'I' somehow got lost in the shuffle. Now I am forced to put ME first. It is disconcerting to have to purposefully think about how something is going to affect me before I think about the impact on others. The attention cancer brings in prayer meetings and conferences is difficult for me to handle. I like to be in the shadows and cancer yells for attention and thrusts me into the limelight. But it is a lonely limelight. Even the few who are thrust there with me don't want to be in the cancer 'club', so there is little comradere.
I have been told by my nutritionist that I have to get stress under control (my cortisol levels are high) but I don't feel stressed. Then comes more introspection. It seems a slippery slope into self-absorption so I pull out of it and just don't try to figure it out.
In all of this, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord the Maker of Heaven and Earth. He has told me to rest in Him. The peace which passes all understanding is then mine and I cease from all my labors. I DON'T have to figure it all out. He will tell me all I need to know. With that assurance, I rest.
Books/DVDs I've Researched on Cancer and/or Nutrition
DVDs: (*indicates those I recommend)
*Double Blind: What Science Can't See-Dr. Lorraine Day
*Stress Success-Dr. Lorraine Day
*You Can't Improve on God-Dr. Lorraine Day
*Diseases Don't Just Happen-Dr. Lorraine Day
*Sorting Through the Maze of Alternative Medicine-Dr. Lorraine Day
*Cancer Doesn't Scare Me Anymore-Dr. Lorraine Day
*More on Cancer-Dr. Lorraine Day
Books:
1. *Beating Cancer With Nutrition-Patrick Quillin
2. *Breast Cancer? Breast Health!-Susun Weed
3. The Oil-Protein Diet-Dr. Johanna Budwig
4. The Cure for All Cancers-Dr. Hulda Clark
5. *A Cancer Battle Plan-Anne Frahm
6. *A Cancer Battle Plan Sourcebook-Dave Frahm
7. Dr. Susan Love's Breast Book-Dr. Susan Love
8. Insights Into Cancer-Dr. Henry Wright
9. The Hallelujah Diet-George Malkmus
10. *Recipes for Live-Rhonda Malkmus
11. Overcoming the Threat of Death-Arie Brouwer
12 .Guide Lines and God Lines for Facing Cancer-Marvel Patton
13. By the Grace of God and Good Nutrition-Fran Connor
14. The Cross and the Scapel-Gwen Wilkerson
15. *Your Body's Many Cries for Water-Dr. F. Balmanghelidj
16. *Getting Started on Getting Well, a workbook-Dr. Lorraine Day
17. *The RAVE Diet and Lifestyle-Mike Anderson
18. *Beating Cancer From the Inside Out-Mike Anderson
19. ***Cancer: Step Outside the Box-Ty M. Bollinger (A 'must have' book!)
20 .*Why Suffer-Ann Wigmore (not necessarily the book, but her work with wheatgrass juice)
21. *The Breast Stays Put, Put Your Scalpel Back in Your Pocket and Nobody Gets Hurt!- Pamela Hoeppner
22. A Story of Grace, Holistic Healing After a Diagnosis of Breast Cancer-Nancy Anne Battilega
23.*Winning the Battle Against Cancer, They said I was going to die...but I didn't-Elaine Hulliberger
24.***Anti Cancer-David Servan-Schreiber, MD, PhD (this book helped me greatly, though he does tout the benefits of Eastern meditation...just meditate on the Lord!)
25.**Healing Oils of the Bible-David Stewart, PhD
26.***The Complete Natural Medicine Guide to Breast Cancer-Sat Dharam Kaur, Nat. Doctor (a must have reference for preventing/healing breast cancer)
27. *The Macrobiotic Cancer Prevention Cookbook-Aveline Kushi with Wendy Esko
28. ***Cancer Salves, A Botanical Approach to Treatment-Ingrid Naiman
29.*How to Pray for Healing-Che Ahn
30.*A Divine Revelation of Healing-Mary K. Baxter
31.***From the Inside/Out-Dr. Henry W. Wright
32.*Cure or Cover Up-Dr. Henry W. Wright
33.**Healed of Cancer-Dodie Osteen
34.**The Divine Code of Life=Kazuo Murakami, Ph.D
35.*Cancer Medicine From Nature-Roger Bloom
*Double Blind: What Science Can't See-Dr. Lorraine Day
*Stress Success-Dr. Lorraine Day
*You Can't Improve on God-Dr. Lorraine Day
*Diseases Don't Just Happen-Dr. Lorraine Day
*Sorting Through the Maze of Alternative Medicine-Dr. Lorraine Day
*Cancer Doesn't Scare Me Anymore-Dr. Lorraine Day
*More on Cancer-Dr. Lorraine Day
Books:
1. *Beating Cancer With Nutrition-Patrick Quillin
2. *Breast Cancer? Breast Health!-Susun Weed
3. The Oil-Protein Diet-Dr. Johanna Budwig
4. The Cure for All Cancers-Dr. Hulda Clark
5. *A Cancer Battle Plan-Anne Frahm
6. *A Cancer Battle Plan Sourcebook-Dave Frahm
7. Dr. Susan Love's Breast Book-Dr. Susan Love
8. Insights Into Cancer-Dr. Henry Wright
9. The Hallelujah Diet-George Malkmus
10. *Recipes for Live-Rhonda Malkmus
11. Overcoming the Threat of Death-Arie Brouwer
12 .Guide Lines and God Lines for Facing Cancer-Marvel Patton
13. By the Grace of God and Good Nutrition-Fran Connor
14. The Cross and the Scapel-Gwen Wilkerson
15. *Your Body's Many Cries for Water-Dr. F. Balmanghelidj
16. *Getting Started on Getting Well, a workbook-Dr. Lorraine Day
17. *The RAVE Diet and Lifestyle-Mike Anderson
18. *Beating Cancer From the Inside Out-Mike Anderson
19. ***Cancer: Step Outside the Box-Ty M. Bollinger (A 'must have' book!)
20 .*Why Suffer-Ann Wigmore (not necessarily the book, but her work with wheatgrass juice)
21. *The Breast Stays Put, Put Your Scalpel Back in Your Pocket and Nobody Gets Hurt!- Pamela Hoeppner
22. A Story of Grace, Holistic Healing After a Diagnosis of Breast Cancer-Nancy Anne Battilega
23.*Winning the Battle Against Cancer, They said I was going to die...but I didn't-Elaine Hulliberger
24.***Anti Cancer-David Servan-Schreiber, MD, PhD (this book helped me greatly, though he does tout the benefits of Eastern meditation...just meditate on the Lord!)
25.**Healing Oils of the Bible-David Stewart, PhD
26.***The Complete Natural Medicine Guide to Breast Cancer-Sat Dharam Kaur, Nat. Doctor (a must have reference for preventing/healing breast cancer)
27. *The Macrobiotic Cancer Prevention Cookbook-Aveline Kushi with Wendy Esko
28. ***Cancer Salves, A Botanical Approach to Treatment-Ingrid Naiman
29.*How to Pray for Healing-Che Ahn
30.*A Divine Revelation of Healing-Mary K. Baxter
31.***From the Inside/Out-Dr. Henry W. Wright
32.*Cure or Cover Up-Dr. Henry W. Wright
33.**Healed of Cancer-Dodie Osteen
34.**The Divine Code of Life=Kazuo Murakami, Ph.D
35.*Cancer Medicine From Nature-Roger Bloom
Friday, October 30, 2009
Three Months and Blood Analysis
It will be three months since I was diagnosed with Triple-Negative breast cancer on Aug. 4th, six months since I found the lymph tumor. I just had my first follow-up blood analysis and received the results today. I'm so excited! All my organ functions were way up and my immune system is working great! My lymph toxicity was down by half. That's great considering the cancer is also in my lymph.
The regimen of suppliments combined with the diet restrictions are difficult to keep up with and I do struggle so I didn't expect to get such a good report. It really made me want to continue to put in the effort. I started working with my nutritionist one month ago. I had already changed my diet three months ago, but my test results on diet alone were very poor. I am so pleased and do have to thank my husband because if he wasn't doing all the work I certainly wouldn't be doing so well. Thanks, Hon!
The regimen of suppliments combined with the diet restrictions are difficult to keep up with and I do struggle so I didn't expect to get such a good report. It really made me want to continue to put in the effort. I started working with my nutritionist one month ago. I had already changed my diet three months ago, but my test results on diet alone were very poor. I am so pleased and do have to thank my husband because if he wasn't doing all the work I certainly wouldn't be doing so well. Thanks, Hon!
Monday, September 28, 2009
From My 19 y.o. Daughter
From the Daughter of a Breast Cancer Patient
My mom has breast cancer. And unlike most people she and my dad did not freak and go running to the modern day doctors who “supposedly” have all the answers for health these days. They waited. They prayed. Then they acted on what they believe to be the right course of action to not only cure my mom's breast cancer but to all around give her the health she deserves to have. Most people that I know, including me at first, think that it is a stupid move, a very common belief among todays world. But over the past 2 months I have come from wanting to beg my mother to just get it cut off and radiated from her to firmly believing that radiation and surgery are not the way to go. And if you knew me you would realize that making me truly believe in something is no easy task.
When my mother was first diagnosed it crushed everything I knew. The whole foundation of my life was shattered as I had never felt it before. When I wasn't at work or sleeping the rest of my time was spent sitting in my mothers living room. It was a good 2 weeks before my buddy got me to go hang out with him and a few friends that I had hung out with a couple times. It was late one night after mom had already gone to bed (so I wouldn't miss a minute with her) when I went to hang out with him and one of my new friends, Preston. At this time I was mad at my parents for not doing anything medical to help my mom. I got to know Preston a little better that night. I learned his mother died of breast cancer when he was 12. She had gone through all the surgeries and chemotherapy only to be miserably sick the rest of her short life. Without me asking, Preston offered a small piece of information that I was not expecting. He said, and I quote, “If there was one thing I could have done different, it would have been to beg her NOT to do chemotherapy. She was so very sick the last few years of her life that we didn't get to enjoy any of it. If you want my advice, I would say beg her not to do chemo, enjoy every minute you have with her, and do something that would make her proud.”
Over the next few weeks I thought a lot about what he had said. I listened to what mom and dad were doing to fight this and all the books mom was reading about chemotherapy and natural detox. In the end I came to the conclusion that I had done the same thing as most people do and had panicked.. I had panicked and went straight to the first conclusion that we are taught here in America, that doctors are gods. They can do anything and they are the only way to get well. Since then I have tried my best to do exactly what Preston wasn't able to do when his mother was here. As most of you have heard I haven't had to beg my parents not to do chemo, I try to spend as much time as I can over at my parents house, and I'm still working on the proud part.
I am so grateful that Preston is my friend and that he cared enough to let me in on his life changing experience enough to try to help me with mine. And I want everyone to know how proud I am of my parents. They have stood up to so many people for what they believe in and are doing about this cancer. And now it is my turn to stand up for them. So today for the first time since this has all started I have given my opinion on how my parents are taking care of her breast cancer. And I say way to go, Mom and Dad!
-Sam, the daughter of a breast cancer patient.
My mom has breast cancer. And unlike most people she and my dad did not freak and go running to the modern day doctors who “supposedly” have all the answers for health these days. They waited. They prayed. Then they acted on what they believe to be the right course of action to not only cure my mom's breast cancer but to all around give her the health she deserves to have. Most people that I know, including me at first, think that it is a stupid move, a very common belief among todays world. But over the past 2 months I have come from wanting to beg my mother to just get it cut off and radiated from her to firmly believing that radiation and surgery are not the way to go. And if you knew me you would realize that making me truly believe in something is no easy task.
When my mother was first diagnosed it crushed everything I knew. The whole foundation of my life was shattered as I had never felt it before. When I wasn't at work or sleeping the rest of my time was spent sitting in my mothers living room. It was a good 2 weeks before my buddy got me to go hang out with him and a few friends that I had hung out with a couple times. It was late one night after mom had already gone to bed (so I wouldn't miss a minute with her) when I went to hang out with him and one of my new friends, Preston. At this time I was mad at my parents for not doing anything medical to help my mom. I got to know Preston a little better that night. I learned his mother died of breast cancer when he was 12. She had gone through all the surgeries and chemotherapy only to be miserably sick the rest of her short life. Without me asking, Preston offered a small piece of information that I was not expecting. He said, and I quote, “If there was one thing I could have done different, it would have been to beg her NOT to do chemotherapy. She was so very sick the last few years of her life that we didn't get to enjoy any of it. If you want my advice, I would say beg her not to do chemo, enjoy every minute you have with her, and do something that would make her proud.”
Over the next few weeks I thought a lot about what he had said. I listened to what mom and dad were doing to fight this and all the books mom was reading about chemotherapy and natural detox. In the end I came to the conclusion that I had done the same thing as most people do and had panicked.. I had panicked and went straight to the first conclusion that we are taught here in America, that doctors are gods. They can do anything and they are the only way to get well. Since then I have tried my best to do exactly what Preston wasn't able to do when his mother was here. As most of you have heard I haven't had to beg my parents not to do chemo, I try to spend as much time as I can over at my parents house, and I'm still working on the proud part.
I am so grateful that Preston is my friend and that he cared enough to let me in on his life changing experience enough to try to help me with mine. And I want everyone to know how proud I am of my parents. They have stood up to so many people for what they believe in and are doing about this cancer. And now it is my turn to stand up for them. So today for the first time since this has all started I have given my opinion on how my parents are taking care of her breast cancer. And I say way to go, Mom and Dad!
-Sam, the daughter of a breast cancer patient.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Starting My Second Fast
Tomorrow I will start my second week-long juice fast. I have received all my suppliments and am looking forward to getting started building up my immune system. I feel great and look very healthy (I'm told!). People cannot believe I am in end-staged cancer.
The fasts are not hard for me at all. The Lord has given me a grace with this diet change and the fasting that is really supernatural. I am grateful and continue resting and worshipping during this recovery-time I am experiencing. Rest is very important to rebuild the immune system.
My frame of mind is focused on Jesus and I don't even really remember I have cancer most of the time. He truly "keeps in perfect peace those whose minds are stayed on Him, for they trust in Him." I will be praying and worshipping as much as possible during the next week, and would appreciate your prayers as well. Thank you!
The fasts are not hard for me at all. The Lord has given me a grace with this diet change and the fasting that is really supernatural. I am grateful and continue resting and worshipping during this recovery-time I am experiencing. Rest is very important to rebuild the immune system.
My frame of mind is focused on Jesus and I don't even really remember I have cancer most of the time. He truly "keeps in perfect peace those whose minds are stayed on Him, for they trust in Him." I will be praying and worshipping as much as possible during the next week, and would appreciate your prayers as well. Thank you!
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Blood Test Results
I had a nutritionist analyze a sample of my blood. I received the results and spoke to him about them today. My immune system is barely functioning. Across the board, every organ, gland, and cell group responsible for my defense is down. It is also not communicating among itself to work properly even if it was built up. I'm in trouble.
The nutritionist has suggested a plan for building it up. It will cost over $1,700/mo. (not including shipping!) to impliment. Since my healing is not yet manifest we feel the need to continue doing all we can nutritionally to keep me healthy. As you know our finances are less than adequate to cover that kind of committment, but in the last two days $800 did come in from family and a few friends who did not know the need so we can start and trust God for each month's supply. I am supposed to have my blood tested again four weeks after I begin the regimen to see if my body is responding properly. Each blood analysis costs $200.
I have been reading alot from Dr. Lorraine Day http://www.drday.com/ . She had breast cancer at about the same stage as mine (same size, too, only mine is buried in my breast). She beat it completely by nutrition alone. She has been cancer free for over 10 years. It is a very inspiring story. I admire her stand as well as the courage she has in exposing the barbaric way the medical establishment deals with cancer. Her teachings are very eye-opening and educational. I do not agree with all her theology, but I admire a faith that looks solely to Jesus and Jesus alone for the answers to all problems.
The nutritionist has suggested a plan for building it up. It will cost over $1,700/mo. (not including shipping!) to impliment. Since my healing is not yet manifest we feel the need to continue doing all we can nutritionally to keep me healthy. As you know our finances are less than adequate to cover that kind of committment, but in the last two days $800 did come in from family and a few friends who did not know the need so we can start and trust God for each month's supply. I am supposed to have my blood tested again four weeks after I begin the regimen to see if my body is responding properly. Each blood analysis costs $200.
I have been reading alot from Dr. Lorraine Day http://www.drday.com/ . She had breast cancer at about the same stage as mine (same size, too, only mine is buried in my breast). She beat it completely by nutrition alone. She has been cancer free for over 10 years. It is a very inspiring story. I admire her stand as well as the courage she has in exposing the barbaric way the medical establishment deals with cancer. Her teachings are very eye-opening and educational. I do not agree with all her theology, but I admire a faith that looks solely to Jesus and Jesus alone for the answers to all problems.
Tumor Trivia
Did you know?
*Tumors feed on sugar and animal protein.
*A tumor morphs it's DNA once a week. That's why the same drugs that worked against it at
first quickly loose their effectiveness.
*Women increase their risk of breast cancer by 2% for each mammogram they get.
*Tumors feed on sugar and animal protein.
*A tumor morphs it's DNA once a week. That's why the same drugs that worked against it at
first quickly loose their effectiveness.
*Women increase their risk of breast cancer by 2% for each mammogram they get.
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